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Ridiculously Lovely by Iavalir

Author: iavalir
Title: Ridiculously Lovely
Rating: PG
Theme: 2013: Dark Side of Love
Elements: fly, exile, ban, rash, unsay, ado, raze, yield (bolded are the words used in story)
Author's Notes: Title inspired by the popular Bofur meme going around on Tumblr. :)
Summary: Bofur is kind to everyone, and that makes Kíli nervous.
Word Count: 731


Sometimes Kíli wishes Bofur could be more possessive of him. Bofur tells him he loves him, and he displays his adoration in the many gifts he gives Kíli, yet somehow none of it seems to sink in, convincing Kíli that Bofur truly loves only him. Bofur’s hands were always crafting some new wooden object, a toy or elegant figurine to be set above the fireplace, which he gifts freely to anyone he meets. And there are no special smiles that he reserves for only Kíli; every smile Bofur gives to everyone, even in passing, is special and full of love, and it leaves Kíli seething with jealousy and uncertainty of his own place in Bofur’s heart.

Perhaps he should not have been so rash in getting into a relationship, Kíli tells himself. Perhaps Bofur cared nothing for him, or was too kind to turn him down. These were the thoughts going through Kíli’s mind this night. Bofur did not make to sit next to Kíli when he had entered the hobbit’s cozy home. He could not have picked a farther seat, Kíli thought, and his smiles were wide and full of mirth as he spoke to the other people who were to join Thorin’s company. It would be the first time he meets some of Kíli’s more distant relatives, and non-relatives, and Kíli could see each of them adoring his friendly lover, falling into his web of sweetness.

And the way Nori was looking at Bofur! Kíli wanted to kick himself for ever befriending Nori, now that he saw how the sly dwarf was eyeing what is Kíli’s alone. Of course Bofur returned all the kind words, words Kíli prayed he could unsay, to declare himself Kíli’s, only Kíli’s, and no one else’s. Not ever.

He sat in thought for a bit, fantasizing using his power as prince and of Durin’s direct line to find a reason to execute Nori. Or exile Nori out of Erebor for some lesser crime; and he would watch Nori, a ruined dwarf utterly razed of his beard and reputation, leaving forever as Kíli possessively held Bofur close to him. It would be a sweet victory, but he knew instantly that Bofur would vouch for the thief. That was the sort of selfless lover Kíli had doomed himself into falling for.

After the clean-up, in which Kíli could not miss the fact that Bofur played with Nori using the forks and knives from the hobbit’s home, Bofur finally sought him out.

“We did not get a moment to speak yet, laddie love!” he said, his grin full of merriment. There was the slight aroma of ale in his breath.

“You were busy talking with others,” Kíli said rather coldly, suddenly wishing Bofur was not around him.

“And a lovely family you have!” Bofur said brightly. “Have you spoken with little Ori yet? A dear sweet fellow he is! And Óin, rather fun when he can understand what you are saying!” On he went of the others, praising them each with words that made the poisonous snakes inside Kíli’s stomach squirm. But the words were all like honey, full of so much genuine love, full of so much Bofur, and Kíli fought to stop himself from yielding into the other dwarf.

It was for his true sweetness that drew Kíli to him, but also it was the greatest source of his misery. Every word which made Kíli feel special and sitting atop all of Middle-earth were freely given to others. Really, Bofur was lovely. Too lovely. Ridiculously Lovely. Bofur’s heart was free and merry, but Kíli wished to encase it and keep it close to his own heavily-beating heart. But he feared that should he do so, then the merry dwarf who brought joy with his every step would be destroyed. And it would be a rare and beautiful thing that would be murdered by the desperate needs of a jealous heart. And Kíli did not wish to have such a thing on his conscience.

It would have to be something Kíli struggles for the rest of his life, he realized as he finally yielded to Bofur’s merriment. It would be a test of the strength of his own love for Bofur, not the other way around, and a test for him to resist changing and breaking what is already his.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
zana16
Feb. 25th, 2013 03:33 pm (UTC)
Poor Kili. He is so very young.

Very nicely done!
foxrafer
Mar. 1st, 2013 03:03 am (UTC)
I like how you show that the one thing that draws Kili to Bofur is also the thing that drives him to such jealousy.
blslarner
Mar. 18th, 2013 06:55 pm (UTC)
Jealousy can so easily kill relationships.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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