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Author: Larner
Title: On the Disposal of Illicit Goods
Rating: G
Theme: “Where have you been?”
Elements: 237 words
Author's Notes: For Bill, for his birthday.
Summary: When the one who takes one's goods doesn't really want them or can't use them, then what is he to do with them?
Word Count: 237

On the Disposal of Illicit Goods

“And just where have you been?”

Lotho paused and turned a wary eye on his mother. “Down to the Water.”

“Keeping an eye on that Frodo Baggins?”

He shrugged. “He’s swimming with that Brandybuck brat again.”

“So unnatural!” She shivered delicately, then muttered, “If he’d only drown like his parents did!” She turned toward him. “Get anything good?”

He brought out some very white linen. “Got his small clothes. He never has anything of worth in his pockets anymore.”

“Not his waistcoat?”

“Mum! I’d have been caught with that immediately. With these at least it could appear I’d simply been wiping my brow with my handkerchief.”

“You have a point. Well, what should we do with them? We can’t just give them back, and you certainly can’t wear them. You, at least, show signs of becoming a properly substantial Hobbit.”

Again he shrugged. “What do I care what’s done with them? At least he doesn’t have them anymore. Or the brat,” he added as he handed the two sets of underwear to Lobelia.

“Merry’s too? Oh, but that is delicious!” she exulted. She examined them for a moment. “I’ll have to unpick the monograms, but then I’ll send them to Benbo to distribute to Bracegirdles in need.”

Benbo Bracegirdle held up the contents of Lobelia’s package. “Lotho’s been stealing from the Bagginses again,” he announced, indicating where FB could still be seen where embroidery had been removed.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 27th, 2018 01:12 pm (UTC)
Well, hopefully Frodo and Merry have now learned not to leave their underclothes laying around when they go swimming!

Lotho and Lobelia are quite a pair, aren't they?
Jul. 28th, 2018 01:45 am (UTC)
What is one to do with one's underwear while one is swimming if one doesn't want to don one's clothes over wet undergarments? I suspect that this became a common source of annoyance for Frodo when he didn't have Sam along to paddle in the shallows and keep an eye on things.

And I have always suspected that Lotho learned the knack of nicking things from his dear mum! Heh!

Thanks so!
Jul. 27th, 2018 06:43 pm (UTC)
Ohhh, these two are so malicious! But they're not fooling anyone, are they?
Jul. 28th, 2018 01:46 am (UTC)
Oh, no, I doubt they're pulling the wool over any eyes but their own. Thanks so!
Jul. 27th, 2018 07:16 pm (UTC)
LOL! Funny!
Jul. 28th, 2018 01:46 am (UTC)
Oh, so glad it amuses! Thanks!
Jul. 28th, 2018 06:23 am (UTC)
Lotho's nastiness knows no bounds. A great character insight.
Aug. 1st, 2018 07:46 am (UTC)
This is hilariously plausible! Lobelia probably thinks she's being so subtle, but I love that the purloined undergarments' recipients know exactly what happened.
Aug. 7th, 2018 08:33 pm (UTC)
Those two are so petty, aren't they?
I don't think the Bracegirdles are very impressed.
Poor Frodo and Merry, it's going to be rather awkward for them, making their way home.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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